It's All a Circle

Dear Sesame Seed,

I want to share something with you that is making Mama sad this morning. Yesterday, your Mama found out that a dear person had left this world. He was a young person. His name was J, and although I had never met him, I know he was a dear friend of so many people whom I love. Baby, when you are born, I will introduce you to so many dear friends, who I know will love you wholly and unconditionally. And in each of them, you will see a tiny bit of this man, this J, who is no longer here.

Sesame Seed, as you grow, I am going to try to be the best Mama for you. I am going to try and hold you when you need holding and set you free when you need to run. I am going to try to teach you what I know and let you learn many things on your own. I know it will be a hard job, but I am going to try.  But Baby, what I am so afraid of, is having to teach you about how everything is a circle. I am afraid because I would so much rather protect you, shelter you from ever having to see the sadness, the brokenness, that is a part of this circle. But Baby, that won't help you grow.

So, Sesame Seed, I want you to know about J and how suddenly he left those he loved. I want you to know about the dark places that exist, and the way that this world can hurt us all and break our hearts. I want you to know about it, because I want you to know that it is all a circle. That the broken becomes beautiful and the beautiful becomes broken, and then back again. I want you to know, in ways that are not too heavy for your tiny little heart, that hurting happens but so does loving and laughing, holding and helping.

Sesame Seed, in so many ways you are the answer to my dreams and prayers. In so many ways you are already helping to fill my heart with joy and love. But I know that this world and this life are both a circle and a balancing act. And I promise you, Baby, I will try my hardest to help you see that it is beautiful.

I already love you, little one,

Your Mama