Dear Sesame Seed,
I am awestruck by what we experienced today. Today your Daddy and I heard your heart beating for the very first time. It was so incredibly beautiful, joyful and just...alive. You, my dear Baby, are there, inside of me. I laughed and giggled and cried at the sound of you.
My dear Baby, how can I say all that I am feeling right now? The last week has been a rollercoaster of emotion for me. I have been sad and scared and I've worried and doubted. Baby, I want to be the best Mama I can for you, but I know how big this world is and how little I can control. Today, though, I heard your heart. Your healthy, beating heart. And that was my answer. Love, is the answer.
Sesame Seed, I am going to try to remember this: all we need is love. When I am scared, when I am doubting. When I am worried that I will not be enough for you, I will try my hardest to remember. All we need, all you need, is love. And I have that, and you have that. We have love. All the rest of it, we will figure out. Your Daddy and I, we have hit many a rock and a hard place and love has always gotten us through. And the same will be for you.
We love you, dear Baby. We will always love you. And that strong, beating heart you have, together with the hearts of your loving Mama and Daddy, will get you through anything.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Monday, October 28, 2013
Monday, October 21, 2013
Introducing....the Grandparents!
Dear Sesame Seed,
This past week has been an eventful one for your larger family. We decided it was time to tell them about you! The most exciting thing was telling your grandparents, Daddy's Mom and Dad. You are going to be their very first grandchild, and Baby, they were so surprised! Of course, they are also so excited.
Sesame Seed, I want to tell you a bit about your grandparents, because I am excited for you to meet them too. Your Grandma, Daddy's Mom, is such a wonderful person. She is full of compassion for others and has worked her whole life to support others who need help and advocacy. She taught students with special needs, she helps women in tough situations, and she is constantly reaching out her hand to others. She is always patient and forgiving. She is also full of adventure and I have yet to see something that scares or daunts her. She loves to travel and will try almost anything she is curious about. When asked to do something that she is not proficient at, she sets her mind to the goal and always gives it her full and dedicated efforts. I look forward to you meeting your Grandma and learning about compassion, fearlessness and spunk.
Your Grandpa, Daddy's Dad, is thrilled that you are joining the family. He loves children and is always ready to play and be silly when there are kids around. Recently, he started learning acting and it is amazing to see someone pick up a new hobby after years of watching from the audience. Speaking of, your Grandpa loves plays and movies, and I am sure he is already compiling a list of all the things he wants to show you. He loves to share the things he finds funny and interesting with others. Your Grandpa has a strong sense of loyalty to his family, and is always encouraging his children to stay in touch with each other and their cousins. I look forward to you meeting your Grandpa and sharing jokes, games and good times with him.
Maybe by the next time I write to you, I will have told your other set of grandparents, my parents. There is so much to tell you about them, but that will wait. Right now, my sweet Baby, I am so glad to be holding you close inside my body. Although I am excited to have you meet the rest of your family and our friends, I am glad for this time that is just ours. I feel so lucky to be the one to hold you in this way.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
This past week has been an eventful one for your larger family. We decided it was time to tell them about you! The most exciting thing was telling your grandparents, Daddy's Mom and Dad. You are going to be their very first grandchild, and Baby, they were so surprised! Of course, they are also so excited.
Sesame Seed, I want to tell you a bit about your grandparents, because I am excited for you to meet them too. Your Grandma, Daddy's Mom, is such a wonderful person. She is full of compassion for others and has worked her whole life to support others who need help and advocacy. She taught students with special needs, she helps women in tough situations, and she is constantly reaching out her hand to others. She is always patient and forgiving. She is also full of adventure and I have yet to see something that scares or daunts her. She loves to travel and will try almost anything she is curious about. When asked to do something that she is not proficient at, she sets her mind to the goal and always gives it her full and dedicated efforts. I look forward to you meeting your Grandma and learning about compassion, fearlessness and spunk.
Your Grandpa, Daddy's Dad, is thrilled that you are joining the family. He loves children and is always ready to play and be silly when there are kids around. Recently, he started learning acting and it is amazing to see someone pick up a new hobby after years of watching from the audience. Speaking of, your Grandpa loves plays and movies, and I am sure he is already compiling a list of all the things he wants to show you. He loves to share the things he finds funny and interesting with others. Your Grandpa has a strong sense of loyalty to his family, and is always encouraging his children to stay in touch with each other and their cousins. I look forward to you meeting your Grandpa and sharing jokes, games and good times with him.
Maybe by the next time I write to you, I will have told your other set of grandparents, my parents. There is so much to tell you about them, but that will wait. Right now, my sweet Baby, I am so glad to be holding you close inside my body. Although I am excited to have you meet the rest of your family and our friends, I am glad for this time that is just ours. I feel so lucky to be the one to hold you in this way.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Monday, October 14, 2013
Baby Bump
Dear Sesame Seed,
I think I can detect a slight bump in my belly, where you are making room for yourself in my body. Baby, I am so excited to have a bit of physical proof that you are really there.
Yesterday, our dear friends T and N surprised us with a quick visit. Baby, I am so excited for you to meet T and for him to meet you! T is almost six years old, and he has been special to your Mama since he was just the tiniest baby. Your Daddy and T also have a special bond. I realized when looking at T, when watching him jump on Daddy's lap, or snuggle up with me for a story, how much our hearts are full with our love for him. He has wiggled around in our hearts so much that I think he made them twice their original size. And here's where I realized how true it is, that we have this limitless ability to love - it never runs out, our hearts just grow bigger to accommodate it.
I wonder if my real baby bump is not so much in my belly, but in my heart, where you are already wiggling around and making some space for yourself. You are teaching your Mama to open up a bit more, and make room in my heart for you.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
I think I can detect a slight bump in my belly, where you are making room for yourself in my body. Baby, I am so excited to have a bit of physical proof that you are really there.
Yesterday, our dear friends T and N surprised us with a quick visit. Baby, I am so excited for you to meet T and for him to meet you! T is almost six years old, and he has been special to your Mama since he was just the tiniest baby. Your Daddy and T also have a special bond. I realized when looking at T, when watching him jump on Daddy's lap, or snuggle up with me for a story, how much our hearts are full with our love for him. He has wiggled around in our hearts so much that I think he made them twice their original size. And here's where I realized how true it is, that we have this limitless ability to love - it never runs out, our hearts just grow bigger to accommodate it.
I wonder if my real baby bump is not so much in my belly, but in my heart, where you are already wiggling around and making some space for yourself. You are teaching your Mama to open up a bit more, and make room in my heart for you.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Thursday, October 10, 2013
A Few Of My Favorite Things
Dear Sesame Seed,
Since the last time I wrote to you, I spoke to a wise woman who helped me remember about a lot of the things that I love. We wrote a list together, and it was quite fun. I wanted to share some of it with you, and maybe add a few things. Baby, here are a few of my favorite things:
Flowers - I love to walk through a meadow and notice how many colors and shapes of flowers there are. There was this day this summer when Daddy and I went on a mission to collect an abundance of flowers. We drove through town stopping at the side of the road whenever we saw wild flowers growing and collected a few of each kind. When we got home, I took out all the vases in the house and made a bouquet for each room in our house. Also, flowers smell great.
Wild Raspberries - There is something so absolutely precious about coming upon a patch of wild raspberries while hiking through the woods. I can't wait to share the sweet sensation of biting into a sun-ripened raspberry with you.
Music - Baby, this is something so vastly beautiful I don't think I can describe it in words. Music is just a true gift of the universe. The thing about music is it comes in every flavor. There are sad songs and happy songs, angry songs and sleepy songs, songs with words and songs without. You, my Baby, will find music that you love and connect to, I am sure of it. My absolute favorite music comes from the mouths and hands of friends, especially around a campfire.
Gratitude - This is one of the most valuable things I have ever discovered. Gratitude, I believe, is the key to feeling joyful and content. It is the ability to know all that we have and be present with the gift of all of it. Right now, on this cold day, I am grateful for warm knit hats, warm water that comes straight from my faucet and cozy blankets.
Sesame Seed, I am going to try to continue to tell you about all the beautiful things that are in this world you are going to be welcomed into. And I am going to try to remember them too, for myself.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Since the last time I wrote to you, I spoke to a wise woman who helped me remember about a lot of the things that I love. We wrote a list together, and it was quite fun. I wanted to share some of it with you, and maybe add a few things. Baby, here are a few of my favorite things:
Flowers - I love to walk through a meadow and notice how many colors and shapes of flowers there are. There was this day this summer when Daddy and I went on a mission to collect an abundance of flowers. We drove through town stopping at the side of the road whenever we saw wild flowers growing and collected a few of each kind. When we got home, I took out all the vases in the house and made a bouquet for each room in our house. Also, flowers smell great.
Wild Raspberries - There is something so absolutely precious about coming upon a patch of wild raspberries while hiking through the woods. I can't wait to share the sweet sensation of biting into a sun-ripened raspberry with you.
Music - Baby, this is something so vastly beautiful I don't think I can describe it in words. Music is just a true gift of the universe. The thing about music is it comes in every flavor. There are sad songs and happy songs, angry songs and sleepy songs, songs with words and songs without. You, my Baby, will find music that you love and connect to, I am sure of it. My absolute favorite music comes from the mouths and hands of friends, especially around a campfire.
Gratitude - This is one of the most valuable things I have ever discovered. Gratitude, I believe, is the key to feeling joyful and content. It is the ability to know all that we have and be present with the gift of all of it. Right now, on this cold day, I am grateful for warm knit hats, warm water that comes straight from my faucet and cozy blankets.
Sesame Seed, I am going to try to continue to tell you about all the beautiful things that are in this world you are going to be welcomed into. And I am going to try to remember them too, for myself.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Cloudy Day
Dear Sesame Seed,
It is hard for me to write today. Your Mama is feeling gloomy, like the cloudy, foggy sky outside. But I am going to try to write, anyway, so that I can help us both understand a little bit about what it means when I feel this way.
The other day, I had a looong conversation with a dear friend. She is going through a slump, feeling gloomy, and not understanding how to teach her students about being joyful and embracing their true selves when she herself does not feel joyful. I told her about my thoughts about being a Mama who feels all kinds of things, and how that could be a hard thing for you to see, but also a good thing. My dear Baby, I apologize in advance for what you are going to see when you come into this world. It will be mostly beautiful, but also sometimes painful. As your Mama, and as a human who feels things very deeply, I hope I can show you one way to live in this confusing world.
Sesame Seed, when I talked to my friend K, we promised each other that we would be pioneers of a new way of being. That, instead of hiding the strong feelings we have, we would embrace them and share them, so that others could see that it's ok to feel. You, my Baby, are going to have all kinds of feelings. I don't know which ones yet, you will have your own personality with your own set of dominant feelings. But I hope, by showing you the ones that I experience, I can help you learn that all feelings are ok, and that there are ways to get through even the toughest ones.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
It is hard for me to write today. Your Mama is feeling gloomy, like the cloudy, foggy sky outside. But I am going to try to write, anyway, so that I can help us both understand a little bit about what it means when I feel this way.
The other day, I had a looong conversation with a dear friend. She is going through a slump, feeling gloomy, and not understanding how to teach her students about being joyful and embracing their true selves when she herself does not feel joyful. I told her about my thoughts about being a Mama who feels all kinds of things, and how that could be a hard thing for you to see, but also a good thing. My dear Baby, I apologize in advance for what you are going to see when you come into this world. It will be mostly beautiful, but also sometimes painful. As your Mama, and as a human who feels things very deeply, I hope I can show you one way to live in this confusing world.
Sesame Seed, when I talked to my friend K, we promised each other that we would be pioneers of a new way of being. That, instead of hiding the strong feelings we have, we would embrace them and share them, so that others could see that it's ok to feel. You, my Baby, are going to have all kinds of feelings. I don't know which ones yet, you will have your own personality with your own set of dominant feelings. But I hope, by showing you the ones that I experience, I can help you learn that all feelings are ok, and that there are ways to get through even the toughest ones.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Grateful
Dear Sesame Seed,
Last night, we went out for dinner at a fabulous Greek restaurant. When we sat down we were quite close to all the tables around us. Across from me, there were a bunch of adults and one little boy. He may have been about two years old. He had soft blond curls and was sitting on a woman's lap. He was instantly loveable. I looked at him and I remembered all the times in the last few years that I have seen little ones and felt an ache, deep in my belly. Often, I would cry. Always, there was a deep, empty ache. And now, I know, it was an ache for you. You, my baby, are filling that space so perfectly. You are filling your Mama with gratefulness as you grow inside me.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Last night, we went out for dinner at a fabulous Greek restaurant. When we sat down we were quite close to all the tables around us. Across from me, there were a bunch of adults and one little boy. He may have been about two years old. He had soft blond curls and was sitting on a woman's lap. He was instantly loveable. I looked at him and I remembered all the times in the last few years that I have seen little ones and felt an ache, deep in my belly. Often, I would cry. Always, there was a deep, empty ache. And now, I know, it was an ache for you. You, my baby, are filling that space so perfectly. You are filling your Mama with gratefulness as you grow inside me.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Friends Already
Dear Sesame Seed,
Last night, we went to your cousin Y's Birthday Party. While there I found out that your Aunt T is expecting. Baby, that means that you are going to have a cousin just about your age! The whole evening I couldn't help watching all your little cousins play together. I have always loved the connections they build with each other and I know how much they treasure each others friendships. I am so happy that you will have a cousin like that.
Along with your cousin-to-be, our dear friends R&M just had a baby girl this week. You two will be just a few months apart, and I can't wait to watch you play together when we visit them.
In other news, you are now about the size of a blueberry! We are so excited about you that we just can't keep a secret. We weren't planning on telling anyone for another month or so, but it seems to leak out sometimes. We are just so in love!
Sesame Seed, you are doing the funniest thing to your Mama. All of a sudden, I have no interest in sweet foods. Daddy pointed out that my favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's (also my favorite ice cream) has been sitting in the freezer for weeks, which is a first. I have no interest in chocolate, juice tastes overly sweet and candies seem like a strange idea. We started calling you our savory baby. Actually, I love it because it means that I am eating more healthful and wholesome foods, which will be better for your growth. Again, I am amazed at how you communicate with me.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
Last night, we went to your cousin Y's Birthday Party. While there I found out that your Aunt T is expecting. Baby, that means that you are going to have a cousin just about your age! The whole evening I couldn't help watching all your little cousins play together. I have always loved the connections they build with each other and I know how much they treasure each others friendships. I am so happy that you will have a cousin like that.
Along with your cousin-to-be, our dear friends R&M just had a baby girl this week. You two will be just a few months apart, and I can't wait to watch you play together when we visit them.
In other news, you are now about the size of a blueberry! We are so excited about you that we just can't keep a secret. We weren't planning on telling anyone for another month or so, but it seems to leak out sometimes. We are just so in love!
Sesame Seed, you are doing the funniest thing to your Mama. All of a sudden, I have no interest in sweet foods. Daddy pointed out that my favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's (also my favorite ice cream) has been sitting in the freezer for weeks, which is a first. I have no interest in chocolate, juice tastes overly sweet and candies seem like a strange idea. We started calling you our savory baby. Actually, I love it because it means that I am eating more healthful and wholesome foods, which will be better for your growth. Again, I am amazed at how you communicate with me.
I already love you, little one,
Your Mama
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